What turning 30 looks like for me....

I'm turning 30 in a few days and I have been super stressed lately over my life. I feel all this pressure from "the world" to have everything figured out and have this picture perfect life by 30. Like I should have this amazing career and this adoring husband with 2.5 children and a white picket fence to complete it all, possibly an obedient dog too! In reality I am divorced with 3 rambunctious boys who only seem to have an energy button or super energy button, I am currently unemployed and running out of savings! And I'm pretty sure my dog was satan himself!

 I began to feel this enormous pressure to change my entire life in the next 14 days. News flash! never gonna happen! When I sat down to pray I realized what am I doing? Why am I discounting my entire life just because I don't have what "the world" suggests or I am not the way that sometimes people are portrayed at my age. God began to show me all I do have, He reminded me and showed me a picture of where I was just even 10 years ago and how far I have come. I had instant peace because I realized I bought into the lie that we need to have things to be worth something. I do have much, I am blessed with 3 wonderful boys who love the Lord and love their mom and are active and healthy. I have a wonderful home that God has provided for us that I can raise my children in. I had a savings to rely on when I lost a job. He has carried me through all the tough times. I have something much bigger than all of those things though. I have Jesus, I have my savoir who loves me with a love that nothing compares to. I have a God that sent his only son to be tortured and die on the cross just for me! (you too!) I have this love and heart for people that pours out on a daily basis that was put there by God. I can look back over my life and see every time I was protected by God and even when I went through things that were less than desirable He turned them into things that bring Him glory. Just as he promised He would. Romans 8:28 " And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 

I now see a changed woman. I see someone who came from something ugly and broken and how God has changed me and who I am down to my core. I couldn't have made that change even if I wanted to! As I approach 30, I do so with hope and excitement. Joy in knowing that my future lies in Gods hands and that's the best place it can be! I know there will be many more struggles in my life, obstacles i will need to overcome but I no longer have to face them alone. In the words of Chris Tomlin "the god of angel armies is always by my side". I am going to move forward resting in Gods promises and who I am in Christ not what I have here on earth or the status that I have attained. After all "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?" Matthew 16:26. I'm going to move forward seeing my worth the way God sees it. 

Philippians 3:8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ