Trust is a funny thing but then again so is "faith". I recently lost my main source of income, if you have read my bio you know that I am a single mother of three boys. Since my divorce I have always worked two or sometimes three jobs to make sure that my boys have all they need and a stable home. Now I am left with one part time job and the uncertainty of how I am going to make ends meet. Initially I freaked out, I am not going to lie, I spent a few days having a small pity party for myself. Then I realized that I needed to have some quiet time just to cry out to God, so during nap time I went into my room all alone and literally cried, probably actually sobbed for about an hour. I prayed and begged God to help me in some way, give me direction, answers, anything to get me through. I almost was at the point where I was demanding that God come down here himself and tell me what he expected me to do.
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into
barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more
value than they? ~ Matt 6:26
After I got control of my crazy emotions I remembered this verse.... then I repented, Who am I to question God or why He does the things that He does. Either God is a God that keeps his promises or He is a liar. Well I know God isn't a liar and I know that He has always kept His promises before. So why is this time any different? Truth is its not. Just because I lost my job and life is changing for the moment doesn't mean that God changed and that he doesn't keep His promises all of a sudden. Matthew 6:26 is a promise. A promise that God will take care of me and my boys because he takes care of the birds, are we not more important than birds? Then He showed me the root (that silly root thing again) I don't trust God, I don't have faith that He will provide and bring me through this trial, just like He has always done. Wow thats a lot to take in when you live your life thinking you trust God to feed you and clothe you but reality your trust is in yourself and the money you make. Don't get me wrong you can't sit at home on the sofa expecting God to drop money into your lap. We have to work but does god not provide the jobs? Doesn't He take care of us even when things seem hopeless? Over the past few days someone has dropped off an entire box of food for my family to fill our cabinets with and someone else just gave me a freezer full of meat. Now was that not the Lord saying "Jenny I love you so much, Let me show you how I can provide through others for the time". I almost was filled with too much pride that I didn't want to take it and I thought No I can figure this out. We have to be humble enough to receive because its the Lords way of providing sometimes through others.
God came through just like He always has over the years. I don't have a job just yet but I do have food for a few weeks and a new faith in Him. He cares about me so much that He would put it in those peoples hearts to minister to me in my time of need. Wow what a great God we serve. Every time I struggle I fall to my knees and cry out to Him and I always come out the other side more in love with God than ever before.
Things don't always turn out perfect or even the way I could have imagined but my faith is strengthened each time and I am always cared for.
Heavenly Father thank you so much for your faithfulness, thank you that you are a God who loves and cares for our every need. Thank you that even in times of doubt I can come to you and confess that and you give me peace and assurance. Help us to lean on you more and give all our stuff over to you Lord when its to much to bear alone. Thank you for being our father, provider, comforter, whatever we need. In Jesus name, Amen.
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